


Sanctuary

by NotAMidget



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, I dont know if this is a happy ending or not, Jeremy needs to be protected, M/M, One Shot, Panic Attacks, Post-Squip, also SQUIPS voices come back, its happysad, protect him Michael
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 13:09:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13167579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotAMidget/pseuds/NotAMidget
Summary: Jeremy Heere doesn't know why he let such a little thing cause him to break down. It had been months since the SQUIP had been gotten rid of - or, as close to gotten rid of as it could be. The voices in Jeremy's head had stopped. He could pass by boxes of Mountain Dew in the shops and not burst out into tears, like the weeks following the events that happened. He could see Keanu Reeves in movies and not run away and hide. Although these things still made him tense, he had learned to deal with them. He knew the SQUIP wasn't coming back.But he broke down around midnight. After weeks of being panic attack free, he finally broke down again. He had nobody there. So he texted the only person he could at a time like this, his best friend. Michael Mell.





	Sanctuary

Jeremy Heere didn't know why he let such a little thing scare him. He thought he was over the fears. He thought he was brave enough to be able to tolerate it. Clearly, that wasn't the case, because of the coincidence that sent him into a panic.

It was late on Saturday night. All of his homework was done. With nothing else to do, since his dad was asleep, Jeremy plopped down in front of the TV. Nothing particularly interesting was on, so he chose what seemed the most interesting out of the uninteresting choices: an interview with Keanu Reeves on some talk show that Jeremy had never heard of. The name of the actor brought a worrying thought to his head, but he brushed it aside. What, was he going to be afraid of Keanu Reeves because of someone, or, something, that looked like him? He managed to push the thought out of his head. While he could keep the thought out of his head for the most part, every time the camera zoomed into the actor, Jeremy couldn't help but tense up. Every time Keanu Reeves spoke, it put the thought into the very back of his mind.

That wasn't what sent him into a panic, though. When the host called for a commercial break, Jeremy stood up to get a drink of water or some soda or a bag of Smartfood popcorn. Right as he was standing up, however, an advertisement came on. What was the advertisement for? Why, of course, the one thing he never wanted to drink again: Mountain Dew.

Jeremy froze. The commercial would have made the soda look good, delicious, even, had he not gone through what he had gone through months before. His heart rose into his throat and the drum of its beat filled his ears. He sat back down, snatching the remote off of the armrest of the sofa. He raised it towards the TV as fast as he could and mashed the power button with his finger in a frenzy. It took a few attempts, but eventually the screen went black, and the room fell silent. Jeremy let the remote drop from his hand onto the cushion beside him, and he slumped back, breathing heavily, trying to maintain his composure.

'Just a coincidence,' he thought to himself. 'A coincidence. That's all it is.'

Jeremy couldn't shake the feeling of dread from the pit of his stomach. He closed his eyes and focused on taking deep breaths. He inhaled for five seconds, held it for three, and exhaled for five, and repeated that. He repeated those steps until eventually his shaking stopped, and his heart returned to his chest.

He basked in the silence of the room, letting his mind go blank.

'Just a coincidence.'

He still didn't feel safe.

'Just a coincidence... Right?'

_Jeremy..._

Instantly, his eyes shot open, and he scanned the room. There was nothing there.

'Just a coincidence. That's all.'

Jeremy stood up, and began his deep breathing pattern again. Inhale for five, hold for three, exhale for five, repeat. He paced circles around the couch slowly, his fingers pressed to his temples, rubbing slow circles.

'Just a coincidence.'

_Jeremy..._

"No," he said out loud to himself. "I'm hearing things. Just hearing things."

_Jeremy..._

'This isn't happening', he said in his mind. He walked out of the living room, leaving the light on, as he was too scared to turn it off and walk down the nearly pitch-black hallway. When he reached his room, he blindly felt at the wall until he found the light switch, and turned it on as fast as he could. He scanned his room, and, to his relief, it was empty. He sighed out, shuffling over to his bed, tense. Jeremy flopped down, face first. With his face buried in the pillow, he closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep.

But he couldn't.

 _Jeremy..._ There it was again. That voice in his head. Jeremy quickly yanked the covers over his head and grabbed his phone off of his nightstand, fumbling to open his texts. He clicked on Michael's contact and started sending him texts.

[Jeremy: hey dude

uh

you might be asleep right now

or high idk

but like

im freaking out

so um

if youre awake can like you text me back

thanks]

Jeremy curled up on his bed, his phone close beside him. He tried to think of things to list in his head to distract him. His favorite songs. The video games he owned. Everything he had done that day (which wasn't a lot). It didn't work as well as he hoped it would. He still found his mind going back to the thing he did not want to be thinking about at all.

When Jeremy heard his phone go off, in the blink of an eye, he snatched it and turned it on. He had a message from Michael. A weight lifted off of his chest.

[Michael: hey bud what's up?? you good? what's going on? talk to me]

Jeremy texted him back hastily, as the voices continued in his head.

[Jeremy: yeah

um

so like

ive been hearing

the voices

and they wont stop

and im freaking out]

Michael responded almost instantly.

[Michael: what are they saying? do you need me to come over??]

[Jeremy: they just keep saying like

"jeremy... jeremy..."

like they used to

i dont wanna be alone

please dude can you come over

like i know its late

but dad is asleep

and its not like i could tell him]

[Michael: okay dude i'll come, just hang in there okay??? i'll be there as fast as i can. im getting out of my pjs and ill be there]

[Jeremy: k, see you soon]

 _Jeremy..._ There it was again. That spine chilling voice. Trembling, Jeremy held his hands over his ears, pressing down on them as hard as he could, as though the voice was real and not just in his head. In his head literally, or in his imagination, he wasn't sure anymore.

_I told you, you can't get rid of me that easily, Jeremy..._

"Shut up," Jeremy said out loud, his voice coming out strained and raspy. Fighting back the urge to cry, he pulled the softest blanket he had off of his bed and wrapped it around himself, grabbed his phone in his free hand, and slowly made his way to the front door, dragging his feet.

_Pick up your feet._

"Shut up," he repeated. 'It's just my imagination,' he thought to himself. Truthfully, he wasn't even sure if that was the case. In an act of defiance, even if the voice he was hearing wasn't real, he slouched as he walked.

_Stop slouching._

"Shut up," he said once more, his eyes welling with tears that threatened to burst from his eyelids at any moment. Jeremy, near to crying, unlocked the front door. Following that, he sat down, leaning his back up against the wall next to the door, tucking his knees up to his chest as tightly as he could. His blanket was wrapped around him like a cloak. Jeremy picked up his phone, opening his texts with Michael, and sent him a message.

[Jeremy: dont bother knocking

just come straight in

im on the floor by the door]

Jeremy set his phone down next to him, wrapping his arms around his knees and pulling them as close to himself as he could. Rocking back and forth, he pressed his face into his knee caps as he let a few tears fall.

_You're weak._

"I'm weak," he repeated, before clasping his hands over his mouth, pressing down so hard that his front teeth hurt the inside of his upper lip. "No, I'm not," he corrected himself in a whisper.

_You're weak, Jeremy._

"Leave me alone," he whispered into his knees, letting the tears start draining from his eyes, dampening his sweatpants. Jeremy's shoulders shook as he cried silently, trying to stay silent, trying to keep from making a sound. The only sounds he made were a sniffle once in awhile or an unsteady inhale.

Seconds passed, but they felt like minutes. Minutes passed, but they felt like hours.

Finally, the door he was sat next to opened, and he looked up at who stood there.

"Jeremy," said the person quietly. Michael. His best friend.

Jeremy instantly leapt up and hugged him as tightly as he could, as though if he let go, his best friend would disappear. Michael could feel how hard Jeremy was trembling and, after closing the door, he squeezed him back. Jeremy pressed his face into Michael's red hoodie. The scent of Michael was familiar to him, and it put him at ease. He smelled like pot and warmth, and just having him there to hold onto helped some of the anxiety start fading away...

_Jeremy..._

...At least, until the voices started again. When Jeremy heard the voice again, he choked out a sob and held him tighter.

"It's okay," Michael said, his voice soft and gentle. Most people would probably see a teenage boy, shaking with fear, tears leaking from his eyes, as weak, but not Michael. Michael knew what his best friend had been through, and he was absolutely positive that Jeremy was anything but weak. "I'm here, Jeremy."

_I'm here, Jeremy._

And just with that, the small bit of calmness Jeremy was clinging to faded once more, and he let out another sob. Michael felt his own eyes watering and started to sit down, his hand on Jeremy's back, gesturing for him to do the same, and he did.

With his arm around his shivering best friend, Michael began to speak to him. He made sure to be quiet to avoid spooking or overwhelming him.

"Just breathe," he instructed. "Take deep breaths. Can you take deep breaths?"

Jeremy was hyperventilating. "I can't breathe, Michael, I can't breathe-" he started, his voice breathless, but Michael gently shushed him.

"You're breathing right now. See? You can breathe. Try to slow down. Just one breath at a time, okay?" Michael ran his hand up and down Jeremy's back slowly.

Jeremy did his best to take a slow deep breath, but he was shaking, and when he exhaled, he started coughing. "I can't do it, Michael, I-I can't do it...!"

"You can. I know you can do it, Jeremy," encouraged Michael in the most gentle voice he could. "Try again." He scooted in front of Jeremy, pulling him into a hug.

The warmth of having Michael against him was comforting. Jeremy leaned his chin over Michael's shoulder, and attempted to take a deep breath. He inhaled shakily for a few seconds, held his breath, and released it.

"That's it," Michael said, his arms wrapped around Jeremy gently. He didn't want to hold on too tight, in fear that he'd overwhelm him. But when Jeremy squeezed him, Michael took that as permission to hold onto him harder. "Keep doing just that. You're doing fine."

 _Jeremy..._ There it was again. The voice.

"It's talking to me, Michael," Jeremy whimpered, his voice cracking from crying. He sniffled.

"Okay, well... I'm going to talk to you. Can you try to listen to me, and not the voice?"

Jeremy nodded into Michael's shoulder weakly, continuing trying to take deep breaths.

Michael began to talk about his day. It wasn't particularly eventful, but enough stuff had happened for him to talk about it, about going to the grocery store, before going home and watching TV. He explained everything in as much detail as he could so that Jeremy could drown the voices out of his head. It wasn't particularly an interesting story, but Michael tried to make it as long as possible just so his best friend could have something to focus on.

 _Jeremy..._ The voice tried again, but Jeremy was trying his hardest to listen to his best friend. He noticed that the voice that was beckoning to him had become a lot fainter, almost like it was just fading away, growing more distant.

When Michael had finished talking about his day, he asked Jeremy, in a soft voice, if he could still hear the voices.

"Kind of," replied Jeremy, his face still nestled into Michael's shoulder. To Michael's relief, he had stopped shaking as much, and his voice wasn't coming out with absolute terror. "Quieter, though," he added.

In an attempt to continue drowning out the voices in Jeremy's head, Michael hummed a song, making sure it was one that Jeremy knew, so that Jeremy could put his attention on imagining the lyrics instead of listening to that voice in his head. He also made sure that it was a peaceful song, with no mention of anything remotely scary or sad, that he hummed to Jeremy.

 _Jeremy..._ The voice, once loud and overpowering his own thoughts and Michael's voice, was now a whisper that was getting easier and easier to ignore.

As his heart rate continued to slow to a normal pace, he zoned out in the sound of his best friend's sound, thinking of the lyrics in his head.

 _Jeremy..._ And with that, as if it had been blown away by an invisible, untouchable breeze, the voice was gone. With the voice gone from his mind and his thoughts, he started to breathe at a regular speed as calmness overcame him. Along with the calmness came a blanket of exhaustion, as his body remembered it was still nighttime.

"Thank you so much, Michael," murmured Jeremy, feeling his eyelids growing heavy with sleep, his face still comfortably buried into the shoulder of his best friend.

"It's no problem," he replied, his voice still gentle. Though Michael was also sleepy, he certainly wasn't as tired as Jeremy.

"You're my best friend," Jeremy whispered, "and you always will be." He nuzzled his head deeper into Michael's warm shoulder before drifting off into a deep sleep.

Michael, feeling Jeremy drift off, made sure to stay still and quiet. "You're my best friend, too," he breathed. Sitting still, with his arms still protectively, but gently, wrapped around the other, he didn't know how to feel. He was happy that Jeremy considered him his best friend, but he was also sad, because he knew they'd never be anything more.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> I'm Alana, and this is my first Be More Chill fanfic, as well as my first upload on this site!  
> My friend was the one who told me I should get an account on this site, so I decided to listen to her and get one.  
> I hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading <3


End file.
